This is you in Vegas...no panties...after a breakup
Everyone has dealt with breakup or divorce. Everyone. Unless you’re some socially awkward person who never leaves from the dark, dank comfort of their parent’s basement. Oh, how I wish I could be this weirdo who’s bed is beside the water heater, and plays video games on the orange plaid 70′s couch all day and night long…they’ve never had to deal with what to do after a breakup.
I’m sure you’re reading this post to find out what you should do with yourself after a breakup. I could give you the typical answers that most of the safe and sane relationship experts dole out. But since this is MY blog, and I’ve made a pact with myself to be neither safe or sane I’m going to give you my 5 things to do after a divorce or breakup: Kim Hess style!
saying "your llama looks nice" has been clinically proven to help move on after divorce!
How does one move on after divorce? I think about this question a lot. I am a Divorce Guru, as you may or may not already know. I don’t just talk and write about divorce…I think about how people’s lives can be better after divorce. I do believe I’ve come up with a few that can be helpful to you.
Dance around your living room naked: preferably to some electronica or techno music or some type of music that you would never admit to listening to…like Justin Bieber or the “It’sPeanut Butter Jelly Time” song. Even though this is totally silly, it really helps you move on after divorce. Why? Because it get your endorphins up, gets you some exercise and it’s hard to be sad or angry when singing “It’s peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!” This also allows you to realize that yes, you can still experience joy and freedom from worries from the turmoil of your divorce if you can still get up and shake your groove thing!
Should you wait to date after divorce? Of course Kim Hess has her opinions. I just read an article about waiting to date after divorce. I’m not usually so judgmental (unless you’re a guy who wears black socks with sandals…you know who you are!) but I thought this article sucked.
Go ahead, read the sucky article and come back to me and I’ll tell you why it sucked. While you do that I’m just going to peruse my 23 year old pretend boyfriend’s music…okay, you back? Great.
I agree that when one is going through a divorce it is not the best decision to date right away. It’s also not the best decision to date someone who’s going through a divorce. Why? Because you’re a mess. A.Hot.Mess.
I hear frequently from men and women who state: “Oh, we just stayed together so long for the kids,” or “I deserve to date because I haven’t had sex with my husband in [insert number here] years, ” or my favorite, “I’ve been emotionally detached from the marriage for years and am already over being married.” My response? “Yeah right.”
Listen to Mama Kim, I’m just trying to protect you. Wait to date. You are are not invincible. You are not Super(wo)man. You need time to heal. Don’t sign the papers on Tuesday, and have a date on Saturday. Ain’t gonna work. My recommendation is to wait a year after you’ve moved out, and have most of the paperwork/court stuff underway.
The sucky article in question says you should wait until the divorce is final. F that! If I would have waited until my divorce was final, I would not have started dating until a full 3 years AFTER I got my own place and my ex got his own “sign these divorce papers douchebag, cause you treat me like crap.” Good God, that’s a long time without cute men or cute sex!
I started dating 6 months after the wheels of divorce began turning for me. Was 6 months too soon? Probably. A year might have been better. But since it took over 2 years for my divorce to be finalized, I’m not really buying the “wait one full year AFTER your divorce is final. I get the “wait to date” philosophy but some states have requirements that you be separated for 6 months to a full year before you can legally divorce. What, is the state hoping you’ll get back together? And if the divorce isn’t on the friendliest of terms you could end up not finalizing the divorce for 2-3 years after that! 4 years of dating, what is this a monastery?!
This is why I thought the article sucked.
You should have a good idea when you are ready to date again. 6 months may be too soon. 3 years may be too long. I’m just suggesting, no DEMANDING, that you take your time when it comes to getting back in the dating game. Don’t try to rush things. Don’t try to prove anything to you or anyone else. Trust me, it’s very, very nice to be alone. You don’t have to cater to anyone else’s whims and fancies…just your own. Get your confidence back, be secure in who you are. Take this much needed time after your marriage to assess who you are and what you want, not just who your partner wanted you to be and what they wanted.
Chill. Wait to date. ‘Cause trust me datin’ ain’t goin’ nowhere no time soon! It’ll be there waitin’ for you.
Want more great advice, humor, and secrets to dating after divorce? Want to be great at dating and meet a wonderful man? Preview “Getting Back on the Horse after Breakup or Divorce” for FREE and watch the video that answers the burning question “Should I Ask Him Out?” Happy dating!
your heart may be bruised but it is possible to move on after divorce
Since you’re reading this article I’m assuming you need to move on after divorce. Or you’re some sort of sadist that gets some weird pleasure from knowing that other people are trying to move past a painful event in their lives. If you’re one of the latter, oh, you’ll get yours buddy, you’ll get yours!
Okay, back to the women who need some good advice…I’m here for you. I have been there. Or maybe I’m still there. Some days are really good, some days aren’t. You may be wondering how the heck you got into t his situation. Though you may be putting up a strong front for the world, you might be suffering inside trying to move on after divorce. [click to continue…]
Ahh, the first date after divorce. What a magical, wonderful time in your life. The stars will be shining, you won’t be bloated from your period, you hair will be shiny and you won’t have to hold your stomach in. This is the magic of the first date after it has been decided that you [...]
Need some dating after divorce advice? You’ve come to the right place! Your girl Kim, aka Divorce Guru, aka KFoxx (like that huh?) is here to give you some much needed advice. Let’s begin. Don’t date until your divorce is final: Dating right away seems like a good idea right? You and soon to be [...]
Divorce sucks. Big time. And if you were to believe all of the psychologist, dating/relationships experts, and all the crappy statistics out there, you would assume that women dating after divorce sucks even worse. Don’t believe the hype. I’ve had my female readers and listeners agonize over said “facts” about the impending dating scene that [...]
I’ve always enjoyed Kelsey Grammer. As a kid I used to watch him on Cheers and later as an adult I would watch Frasier re-runs. I just saw one the other day, the Leap Year episode where he sings “Buttons and Bows.” Yes, I am a nerd. Anyway, Dr. Frasier Crane, aka Kelsey Grammer is [...]
Okay I feel I should clarify my title. When I say dating with children I mean dating while you are the mother or father of children…not dating with children along. Imagine what a fun date this would be: “Okay, so Billy, we are going out with a really nice man who mommy really likes. Don’t [...]
Here we go again. When I read about Mel Gibson going CRAZY on his baby mama Oksana Grigorieva, it sounded eerily familiar and personal. I’m sure if you have a crazy ex like me (or had, maybe your ex found Jesus and is sane now) you felt Gibson’s rant was familiar, as this has happened [...]
