Marriage after divorce…are you up for it?

Posted on January 26th, 2010 at 3:29 pm by Kim Hess

Is your bruised heart ready for marriage after a divorce?

I was reading a posting on Divorce360.com which posed the question, “If you marry again, what will be different?” I admit, the thought of marrying again has crossed my mind. And my canned response is always “If I get married again, my husband will live next door…or on the other side of the country!” That was me using humor to deflect any pain I have to think about in regards to being married again. Marriage after divorce…am I up for it?

I haven’t really thought about it. Nor do I really want to think about it. I’m assuming the time will come where I feel the need, the desire, the wanting to share my life with a romantic partner again. Now? Not so sure. I think about my marriage and all the good that came with it. I also think about all the hard work, compromise, and eventual bad that came with it. I’m just not ready to even think about putting myself in a marriage after divorce just yet…or ever.

Don’t misunderstand my words. Marriage is wonderful, it’s great, and I am a strong advocate for love, gushy poems, his and her matching pajamas, and legal documents stating that people are bound together. That’s why I get all worked up when two people can’t get legally married a la California’s stupid Prop 8 which I say a big NO to. But with all my pro-marriage talk, I don’t think it’s for everyone. And I really don’t think that marriage after divorce is good for every divorcee.

It’s interesting that I know of more divorced men that marry after divorce than women. Why is that? I can only speak for Kim Hess Divorce Guru, but maybe it’s the freedom of not having to take care of a life long partner emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. Of course, my husband at the time took care of me, but let’s be honest, men are babies. They like, no need, to be nurtured, and assured, and cleaned up after, and cooked for…it’s really nice not having to do that for anyone except my children. And when I’m alone, it’s really nice not to have to do that for anyone besides me.

So back to my original question: Marriage after divorce…are you up for it? I can strongly answer 2 years after separating from my partner in marriage…um, no, I’m not up for it. I’m up for a lover, a spiritual partner, a friend, a companion, but husband and legal marriage? Not so much! Now tell me, are you up for it?