Are you lonely?

Are you lonely? Whether you have been divorced for twenty years or twenty hours, being lonely comes into your life at times. Sometimes more often than not.

I never understood when people spoke of being lonely. When I was married I fondly remembered my single days of living in the college dorms surrounded by friends, having so much companionship that I didn’t know what alone time was. Even when I wasn’t in a “relationship” (I use this term loosely, I was in my late teens and early, early twenties after all!) I was having so much fun focusing on learning, fun activities and people on campus, and graduating, that I honestly did not notice what lonely was.

There was a brief hour after I had won a scholarship pageant (Ms. Bronze 1996, my talent was interpretive dance!) that I felt a twinge of the loneliness that would invade my mid thirties:

I had won, celebrated with my friends, called the parents with the great news, and received high praise from a sorta boyfriend (a cute blasian from Cleveland!) and a graduate student from Australia who had a serious crush on me (wonder where he is now?). I went back to my dorm room, took of the tiara and evening gown, laid my roses beside my trophy and sighed. I was alone. I did not want to be alone. I was lonely. It was a brief encounter, not to be had again until I was nearing the end of my marriage.

My loneliness has been on going since my separation from my ex. I’ve discovered that others feel the same. I hear of never married single, divorced, and dating men and women being alone. I also know of numerous marriages whose occupants can claim that their lives are so lonely, though they are not alone.

I’m writing this to let you know that you…well, that you’re not alone! It’s very easy to think that you are the only one who feels this way. You are not the only one who wants love and companionship in your life. You’re not. We are either in this state of loneliness now, right along with you, or have been there before.
None. Sit in the loneliness, don’t run from it, don’t try to hide from it. It will find you and beat you up more. Instead, be grateful for the life you have, the good things that happen, and the love that surrounds you. I have faith that this loneliness is just a visitor. A visitor who will stay, annoy me, make me cry, make me wonder about my wonderfulness, and then eventually leave. And after loneliness leaves, peace moves in.

You are not alone!
-KHDG