Did he leave you for a younger woman?
“Was it a younger woman?” This question has haunted me ever since I separated from my ex husband…I’m young, attractive, smart. So it had to be a younger woman, right?
I went to a cocktail party last night (thanks B.G.!) which was thrown by a political consulting firm. Everyone at the party had something to do with politics, school boards, lawyers, lobbyists, etc. Everyone but me. Know how you go to a party and everyone asks how you know the host? Me, I didn’t know the host and said I was invited by a friend. So the next question of course is “So what do you do?” Do I tell them I’m a radio host and writer? Yeah, sometimes. And sometimes I just cut to the chase and tell them I’m a Divorce Guru. You should see the look of bewilderment in people’s eyes.
Anyway, I usually get to talking about divorce, and dating, and finding love and the person I talk to usually asks what happened. (As they should, because I bet they’re thinking “Who would let this spectacular, beautiful, brilliant woman get away?!) Sometimes I tell them the typical “We grew apart”, sometimes I tell them “he cheated on me and after trying to make it work after 2 years I bailed.” This answer usually depends on how many fruity girly drinks I have in my system! The next question? You got it? “Was it a younger woman?”
Hmm, I have to think about that. The woman my ex was with was a “younger woman.” I think maybe two or three years younger. I think this may disappoint people because it takes the scandal out of it. She’s The next question is usually “How old is your ex husband?” I tell them he’s my age. I’m 35. His new girlfriend is 33-34. Not much of an age difference. I think it would be more exciting if my ex was 60, I was 40, and his new love was a 21 year old bimbo. I believe there is a sense of outrage if my husband would have cheated on me for a younger, fitter, more beautiful and sexy twinkie. Not so outrageous if the other woman is the same age, no more fitter, no more beautiful and no more sexier than the “jilted” wife.
Maybe it scares people that sometimes there is no good reason why their husband or wife may have sex with someone else, fall in love with someone, or even just develop emotions for someone else. Sometimes the mistress isn’t a younger woman, or more beautiful, or thinner or whatever. I myself had no rationale why my ex started seeing his now girlfriend. I think I’m cool, beautiful, fun, smart, yada, yada, yada. But no one can be someone else’s 100%. I wasn’t my ex’s 100%. He wasn’t mine either. But a younger woman isn’t going to be a man’s 100%.
Why do we fall in love (lust!) with someone? Is it just because they are younger? Not always. My philosophy: it is what it is. I can be happy with my life or be bitter about it. If your husband left you for a younger woman (or older woman, or younger man!) roll with it. It’s may not be about you, it’s probably about him…which is no longer your concern!
Related posts:
- South Carolina First Lady Jenny Sanford files for divorce: I’m the wife and the other woman
- Should a woman ask a guy for a date?
- Why does Tiger Woods pay for sex?
- Marriage after divorce…are you up for it?
- Divorced on New Years Eve 2010
JAN
About the Author:
Kim is the co-author of "From Ex to Next! An Empowered Woman's Guide to Dating After Breakup or Divorce." She is also the host of "Divorce Guru" radio show host, as well as the National Divorce columnist for the Examiner.com Kim lives in San Francisco, CA and is the proud mother of two very energetic, very wonderful boys.