*Today’s Guest Post is written by Debbie Lamedman from DatingServices.net.
Go ahead, try a dating website!
There are no two ways about it: divorce is both painful and traumatizing. The last thing you may want to do after going through a divorce is start perusing dating websites. Well, it’s best to wait until you are absolutely ready; but when you are, dating websites can be a great way for you to meet new people and move forward with your new, single life.
It may be reassuring to know that there are plenty of people out there in the same boat. And all of you are probably thinking, “I haven’t dated in years; I don’t even know where to begin or how to start.” The truth is when you’re ready, you simply dive in. You can dip your toe in the pool to see how warm or cold the water is; but ultimately, you need to start swimming!
Before you start, you should certainly make sure that your heart is healed and you’re ready to move on. You don’t want to date simply to make your ex jealous, or to use your new date as a way to forget your ex. That is work you need to do on your own. Get rid of as much of your baggage as possible before entering a new relationship. It will not be fair to you or to your new partner if you are still harboring resentment toward your ex. Inadvertently, your new partner will do something that will remind you of your ex, and trigger an emotional response on your part, and then all hell will break loose. Do yourself a favor, and wait until you’re absolutely sure it’s time for you to get out in the dating world again. Don’t put yourself or a new partner through any unnecessary pain and turmoil. You’ve already gone through enough with the divorce itself. Now you need to be ready to have some fun.
Once you start dating, try not to have any expectations of the person you have chosen to date. Perhaps your new partner is also healing from a divorce. If so, it makes sense for the two of you to take things slowly. Don’t attempt to plan the future right away; simply enjoy your time together and enjoy the companionship of another person. It’s not necessary to define who you are to each other in the early stages of dating. This should be all about you feeling comfortable in the world again as a single person. There is no need to rush head-first into a new relationship, but there’s no reason to be completely alone either. Learn to live in the moment, and enjoy the dating process for what it is and nothing more.
Going through a divorce can feel as though you will never be happy again. But you will heal. The grieving process is different for every individual, so take your time. You will know when you are ready, and when you are it is possible to let go of the past and learn to have fun again.
Debbie Lamedman is a veteran of online dating whose advice is sought by friends and strangers alike – Read more of her advice on her blog, Dating Services!
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Thank you for good and simple set of advice on how to enter dating scene again after divorce. I would add not to try looking for someone similar to your ex because that’s too common for people to date same “person” with same character constantly achieving same result..
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