I read this today from Divorce360.com today:
what did I see in him?
Do you ever interact with your ex… and wonder what you saw in them in the first place? I know there was a spark at one point. But now (and this is after several years of him being crazy, mean-spirited, and at time, downright scary) I can’t help but find it hard to remember why I liked him in the first place.
I read this and thought that this woman must have also been married to my ex-husband! #7 on things you think about in life after divorce!
The reason that this struck so close to home is because I’ve been thinking the the very same thing over the weekend. I found out (a day before) that my ex-husband was marrying his girlfriend. Another chapter in life after divorce. I knew he was marrying his girlfriend but I just found out about the wedding. (It’s a doozy how I found out! ) My emotions went spinning. Not because I wanted him back or missed him dearly-I would love nothing more than to never see or hear from him again…I sometimes fantasize about it. I guess because since he will be married to someone else our marriage is really over, dead, gone, kaput. Sad? Eehh, maybe a bit. Jealous? Gotta admit, kinda. Not of him, or the girlfriend, or their relationship which is weird but just the fact that they each have someone after all the lies, cheating and general fuckery (thanks Amy Winehouse) that they engaged in during my marriage with him. I was the good one! And what do I have? An active dating life filled with Europeans, blue eyed white dudes, handsome black men with swagger, Latin lovers, freedom, fun dates-wait what was I supposed to be complaining about?
Anyway back to my emotions. Do I feel free? Hell yeah. I am now free of this man, and he is her problem now.
Which got me wondering what did I see in him in the first place? When we met I was 17. A much different person than I am today. We got married when I was 26. Still a much different person than I am today, 10 years later. If I met him would I date him? Maybe a first date. He is hella cute. But I’m sure after sitting down with him, and getting to know him, I would automatically know that he wasn’t worth my time. Not that he’s less than me…just not worth my time.
We don’t share the same goals in life, have different spiritual philosophies, and don’t really like doing the same activities. Oh, and I read. He doesn’t. You may laugh, but my next husband/partner/man I keep around longer than 3 months will read to expand his mind. So, with all that, if I met my now ex-husband as a prospect there is no way we would make it past a few dates.
Which makes me wonder…what does his new wife see in him? She’s bailed him out of jail twice (for making my life miserable) seen him cheat on his wife, has met his family (did I mention his family?!) and wants her own babies when he’s had a vasectomy. So, what does she see in him? Maybe marriage, security, a husband? Or maybe everything a 17 year old Kim saw in him…except she’s in her 30′s…this leaves me wondering where her mind is. Dude.
All I can say is I wish my ex and his new bride well. Well, I can say a lot of other things but today I will wish them well. I’m g lad we were married, and I’m now glad that we’re NOT married. Life after divorce is so agreeing with me!
What the hell did I see in him in the first place? Do you wonder what you saw in your ex? Leave me your comments below!
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About the Author:
Kim is the co-author of "From Ex to Next! An Empowered Woman's Guide to Dating After Breakup or Divorce." She is also the host of "Divorce Guru" radio show host, as well as the National Divorce columnist for the Examiner.com Kim lives in San Francisco, CA and is the proud mother of two very energetic, very wonderful boys.