Be happy...wait to date after your divorce
Should you wait to date after divorce? Of course Kim Hess has her opinions. I just read an article about waiting to date after divorce. I’m not usually so judgmental (unless you’re a guy who wears black socks with sandals…you know who you are!) but I thought this article sucked.
Go ahead, read the sucky article and come back to me and I’ll tell you why it sucked. While you do that I’m just going to peruse my 23 year old pretend boyfriend’s music…okay, you back? Great.
I agree that when one is going through a divorce it is not the best decision to date right away. It’s also not the best decision to date someone who’s going through a divorce. Why? Because you’re a mess. A.Hot.Mess.
I hear frequently from men and women who state: “Oh, we just stayed together so long for the kids,” or “I deserve to date because I haven’t had sex with my husband in [insert number here] years, ” or my favorite, “I’ve been emotionally detached from the marriage for years and am already over being married.” My response? “Yeah right.”
Listen to Mama Kim, I’m just trying to protect you. Wait to date. You are are not invincible. You are not Super(wo)man. You need time to heal. Don’t sign the papers on Tuesday, and have a date on Saturday. Ain’t gonna work. My recommendation is to wait a year after you’ve moved out, and have most of the paperwork/court stuff underway.
The sucky article in question says you should wait until the divorce is final. F that! If I would have waited until my divorce was final, I would not have started dating until a full 3 years AFTER I got my own place and my ex got his own “sign these divorce papers douchebag, cause you treat me like crap.” Good God, that’s a long time without cute men or cute sex!
I started dating 6 months after the wheels of divorce began turning for me. Was 6 months too soon? Probably. A year might have been better. But since it took over 2 years for my divorce to be finalized, I’m not really buying the “wait one full year AFTER your divorce is final. I get the “wait to date” philosophy but some states have requirements that you be separated for 6 months to a full year before you can legally divorce. What, is the state hoping you’ll get back together? And if the divorce isn’t on the friendliest of terms you could end up not finalizing the divorce for 2-3 years after that! 4 years of dating, what is this a monastery?!
This is why I thought the article sucked.
You should have a good idea when you are ready to date again. 6 months may be too soon. 3 years may be too long. I’m just suggesting, no DEMANDING, that you take your time when it comes to getting back in the dating game. Don’t try to rush things. Don’t try to prove anything to you or anyone else. Trust me, it’s very, very nice to be alone. You don’t have to cater to anyone else’s whims and fancies…just your own. Get your confidence back, be secure in who you are. Take this much needed time after your marriage to assess who you are and what you want, not just who your partner wanted you to be and what they wanted.
Chill. Wait to date. ‘Cause trust me datin’ ain’t goin’ nowhere no time soon! It’ll be there waitin’ for you.
Want more great advice, humor, and secrets to dating after divorce? Want to be great at dating and meet a wonderful man? Preview “Getting Back on the Horse after Breakup or Divorce” for FREE and watch the video that answers the burning question “Should I Ask Him Out?” Happy dating!
