Online dating: How long has this been sitting around?
I was reading a blog post today called “Online Dating is Like Eating Leftovers.” This topic brought up lots of opinions about divorced dating, online dating, men who date women half their age, and bitter woman over 40. Wow! Of course, your Divorce Guru had to give her two cents:
I get what Cheryl is saying about profiles of men…and Cheryl to let you know I live in San Francisco and the men online seem exactly the same as they do on the East Coast!
Moxie made an excellent point about leftovers. Absolutely true! Like Stella, it took me two years after a divorce to realize that I’m not so much a catch online (divorced, 35, two kids AND a black woman in a city where Asian woman usually are top priority for men in their online profiles)but when I got OFF my computer and started socializing, men were ready and willing to let me know that I’m very much a catch.
My point? After 35, a hot meal beats leftovers any day if you can just drag your butt out of the house!
If you are divorced dating online, you really are getting leftovers. There are really nice people online…they’re probably just used up, not fresh, a little beaten down. Like the day old meatloaf.
I can honestly say this because I was like that day old meatloaf! I started online dating after my divorce because I was bruised, tired, and not ready to jump into the dating pool. My ego had just been battered by a husband who had cheated on me while insinuating that I was unattractive, fat, insecure, and would never make it in this world without him. Oh, yeah, I was the perfect catch huh? This is why most people online are online. They don’t want to be any more vulnerable by actually going OUT into the world to meet and socialize with others. It’s much easier to use the excuse that you are busy or have young kids, or its just so convenient to be online. If you have have ever used this excuse it’s time to get OFFline and get out into the world and meeting REAL LIVE people! (imagine that?!)
I’ve decided to stop online dating, at least for a few months. Why? Because one of my last online dates brought a date with him (I.Am.Not.Exaggerating!) and my very last online date was gay. Yes gay. So gay, that I worked up the nerve (and balls) to ask him if he was gay. Or bi. His response? “Yeah, I get that a lot (with a flick of his wrist and laughing behind the fuzzy collar of his white leopard faux fur vest).” I swear the bouncer at the bar we met at was laughing at me…or my date’s obvious lisp.
Soooo, see what I’m saying? These two would NEVER have gotten past my “I’m in love with someone else, so why don’t I bring her on a date with you” and “I’m Liberace’s twin brother in a faux fur leopard vest” radar had I met these men in person. What did I get? Leftovers. What do I want and deserve? Piping, steaming hot fresh meatnon-leftovers.
Don’t you deserve better too?
Ladies
!!!!
- Just out of a relationship?
- Do you suck at dating?
- Want a man in your life other than your cat!?
- Want someone some awesome help getting back into the game?
- Want to be great at dating and meet a wonderful man?
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“From Ex to Next! An Empowered Woman’s Guide to Dating after Breakup or Divorce.”
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hi, just found your blog. my question: i’m 40 and divorced–so…where, ‘out in the world’, does one go to find these men? i do online dating because it’s easier to find and weed out unsuitable men. please give some advice, because i don’t see very many available men anywhere else. thanks.
Hi l.j.
Great question! Most of us turn to online dating for the reasons you stated…it’s easier and to weed out unsuitable men. But what better way to weed out unsuitable men than to meet them in person?!
I’ve been on so many online dates where the date has blatantly lied in his profile…meeting people in person gives you an automatic indicator as to whether or not to get to know someone better!
Stay tuned, I will be writing an article about getting offline and where to meet men. My first suggestion l.j.: think of one thing you like to do and pursue it. Me, I want to learn a martial art of some kind. Think I’ll meet any men there? lol!
Kim Hess Divorce Guru
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