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Why former?  Because Jenny Sanford who is married to the Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford,  has announced that she is divorcin’ his ass.  And rightfully so.  Here’s the lowdown.

Six months ago, Mark Sanford had a press conference on national television apologizing for disappointing the citizens of South Carolina and his wife and family for having an affair with his Argentine lover.  Which was great, he was a man and apologized.  Until he went on to state that his mistress, Maria Belen Chapur, was his soul mate.  Dude!  Insert foot in mouth.  So not only are you a cheater but you try to justify it (in front of millions and millions of people) by saying your mistress is your soul mate?  C’mon Mark!

Let me get to the nitty-gritty.  I’ve been on both sides of a scandal like this.  Like the Tiger Woods scandal that  I blogged about about (scroll down to read)  this is a tale of cheating, women, sex, tears, and families being torn apart because of men who are unfaithful to their wives.  But let us not forget the women who are okay sleeping with the men who are unfaithful to their wives.

I’ve been the wife…the innocent bystander who is victim to a husband who sends secret text messages,calling their mistress during family vacations, sneaking around to spend time with another woman, leading a very secret and very double life.  It ends in hurt, betrayal, not being able to trust the man who you have babies with, the man you thought would never hurt you so much that you think your heart is going to fall out of your body.  I’ve been the wife.

I’ve also been the mistress.  The pretty, fun, loving woman who is shiny, new, sexy.  The woman who doesn’t have to talk to you about parent-teacher conferences, insurance payments, mortgages, retirement funds, and the mold problem in the bathroom.  You just have fun, you just have sex, you just love, like people do with no responsibilities.  The sneaking around, the very secret and very double life is more James Bond glamour from this side.

Then reality hits.  As the wife you find proof of your husband’s disrespect and callousness towards you and the vows you took.  You find phone records with the same number listed 3-4 times a day.  For weeks.  For months.  For years.  You see the sideways glances he gives his mistress if he has the nerve to bring her around you (and yes some men are stupid enough to do this).  You hear a woman’s name, maybe a “friend” or co-worker, over and over and over and over.  You hear the twittering of gossip. You start questioning the love your man has for you.  You start questioning the love you have for yourself:  am I pretty enough?  am I smart enough?  am I a good enough wife?

Then reality hits.  As the mistress you wonder if he loves you like he says or if  you’re just a “good time.”  You text or call so you can speak with the man you love…he text back that he can’t get away.  He calls you on a Saturday afternoon while he’s waiting in line for popcorn…his wife and kids are waiting for him in the movie theater.  You have a “date”…he cancels because his wife wants to go to that new Italian restaurant.  You ask him where is this going?  He says “I’m not leaving because of the kids”, or “just give it some time.  It hits you that his wife is a woman just like you.  A woman who works hard.  A woman who he once loved.  A woman he still loves.  A woman who is the mother of his children.  You say you’re not hurting anybody but if you’re really honest with yourself…you are.  The wife.  The kids if there are any.  And most importantly yourself.

Jenny Sanford is my new hero.  She’s strong and said not to the b.s. her cheating spouse handed to her.  I’m not saying that Mark Sanford’s mistress Maria Belen Chapur isn’t his soul mate.  Maybe she is.  But if she is really his soul mate couldn’t he have told his wife privately, and honestly that he had feelings for another?

Couldn’t the mistress have said, “Divorce your wife and you can have me.  Until then, I’m a woman who won’t indulge a selfish little boy who wants his cake and eat it too.  I refuse to be your cake.”  That’s the basics to what I said to my lover.  I don’t want to be the cake.  I want to be the appetizer, the main course, the side dishes, and the dessert.  Maybe not everyday for the rest of your life.  But definitely for this meal.

It takes balls to say no, I’m not going to take this treatment anymore.  This is why Jenny Sanford, former First Lady of South Carolina is my hero.  And this is why also, Kim Hess Divorce Guru is her own hero as well.