This weekend I was lonely. At first I panicked becaused, gasp!, what am I supposed to do with myself ALL ALONE? My sons were with their dad, I had no dates lined up, which left Kim Hess all to her lonesome. I panicked.
But then I came to my senses. I went to bed at 10:00pm on Friday night (yeah, I know, kinda pitiful but I got much needed rest). Got up bright and early on Saturday morning and ran some errands. Met up w/ a girlfriend, ate lunch,laughed, talked, and hung out at Dolores Park with amazingly cool people and energy. Got home, night set in, Kim starts freakin’ out. I was invited to a party, could have went to that. But it was 2 hours away (by train) and when I got there was I willing to expend more energy? No. I could have went out w/ a guy who was just “so-so” but not my number one choice to spend a Saturday night with. Did I really want to get dressed up, shave my legs, look pretty and laugh at all his jokes? Nah. So I stayed home. And stopped resisting.
I stopped resisting the emotions I had with being lonely. I embraced them. I sat in them. I meditated on them. I asked myself “Why do I feel lonely, why can’t I just be without someone or something to entertain me, what does being alone say about me?”
Those are some pretty tough questions. I asked them, and answered them realizing that it’s okay to be lonely and to accept those feelings. As soon as I accepted my negative emotions I felt better. My lesson? Don’t run away from your emotions, don’t run away from your loneliness. It may just teach you how much you like being alone with yourself.
