yes I'm hot even w/ tan lines!
Hello fellow divorced people, married people, single people, lovers, fans, haters, and seemingly enemies! Your Divorce Guru is finally asking the question that I’ve been avoiding since I brushed myself off from the perils of married life and entered my new status of single woman: why the hell am I dating?
I’m finally deciding to be honest with myself…what the heck has dating done for me lately? My first dating experience after divorce led to a nice 3 month relationship with a cute computer geek with a gorgeous French accent. Nice, that is until he told me I was too aggressive and acted like a child, therefore dumping me by never calling me back. We’re friends now, but I think he’s still a bit scared of me (aren’t you my former French lover? I know you’re reading this!)
My dating experience followed with quite a few dorks who aren’t with mentioning right now. I then met a wonderful guy…tall, pretty blue eyes, world traveler…who told me that I complimented him too much! WTF! Can you compliment someone too much? I guess so. Anyway, this cutie who hated to be complimented met my father, bought glass door knobs for my youngest son (long story) and presented me w/ a framed and mounted picture of Buddhist monks he had taken on his various world travels. Then he dumped me and promptly started a relationship with someone else! Okay to be fair, he didn’t “dump” me because we were never “in a relationship.” I know, I know, it sounds like it was a relationship but it wasn’t. So I found out via Facebook that he had committed to another within a few weeks after 8 months of “non-commitment” to me. It’s all for the best anyway. I’m glad he’s happy and I’m guessing the young lady he’s with now doesn’t compliment him too much or wear sexy clothes that he disapproves of…c’est la vie.
So what’s my point? Why do I put myself through this? I had a candid conversation with my soulmate/lover yesterday (that’s another post!) about what I’m getting from dating so much. I told him it’s not companionship, it’s not love, it’s not communication. I had to admit to myself that it was for validation.
Validation that I’m still beautiful, still wanted, that other men still find me attractive and desirable after 2 babies and 12 years with the same man who found something wonderful in another woman.
I’m slowly, slowly realizing that I don’t need that validation from external sources, for example, compliments, dates, men. That validation can only come from within.
So no more dating. I’m going to date Kim for awhile…because honestly I’m the best company I’ve ever had. And I will NEVER: ask to split the bill, beg for sex, declare I’m too passionate, or say that I really don’t like it when I wear sexy heels!
Now, let me ask you, why are YOU dating?
